When Maplewood resident and architect Bob Miller died in March 2014 due to complications related to melanoma, his wife Grace Miller knew he would live on.
First, there were the girls.
Bob and Grace are parents to four daughters: Eve is now 23, Margot, 21, Lily b., 20, and Poppy, 16. The two oldest have graduated from the University of Virginia, where Bob went to school to study architecture and architectural history. Lily b. is currently studying at Notre Dame, and Poppy is a rising sophomore at Kent Place who adores spending time on the lacrosse field.
Grace sees the girls pursuing education and careers that echo Bob’s influence. While respecting her daughters’ privacy as they are early in their journeys, Grace noted that they all pursue and enjoy hands-on, creative endeavors.
They also, in recent years, have embraced the Robert J. Miller III Oysterfest, an annual celebration in Maplewood to honor Bob and raise money and awareness for cancer research that will take place this year on Sept. 6 at The Woodland.
Oysterfest
“Here’s the funny thing with Bob,” Grace recently told Village Green. “Sometimes I think, ‘How would Bob feel about a big party in his honor?’ He wasn’t quite as outgoing as I was.”
“But seriously,” Grace is quick to add, “I created Oysterfest, in a way, for Bob to live on, and so that we could make something good come out of something so tragic.”
Oysterfest was also for the girls: “So that the girls could continue to see this community support them while also helping others in the midst of crisis,” Grace explained.
“I remember when people said, ‘We could do an event to remember Bob,’ and I said it would have to be something for the whole community because Bob loved this community. He really loved this community so much.”
Since its founding in 2015, Oysterfest has raised more than $150,000 to support melanoma awareness, fund critical research grants, and assist local families in need. Last year, the the Melanoma Research Foundation (MRF) awarded its 2024 Robert J. Miller Memorial Research Grant to Jayesh Menon, a University of Rochester medical student studying metastatic melanoma.
Bob the Builder
Bob was the co-founder of Miller & Wright Architects, a New York City-based architecture firm that designed award-winning homes, clubs, churches, schools and libraries. Though he was proud of major projects such as the St. Coletta School in Washington, D.C., he was equally proud of the work that he performed in his beloved adopted home of Maplewood.
“He worked on several houses in Maplewood,” said Grace. “They were sometimes our friends’ homes, or sometimes friends of friends. And I remember him saying to me, ‘It’s so neat. These buildings, these structures will be here long after I’m gone. I’ll have a lasting impact on this community.'”
One of Bob’s Maplewood projects….
… and another Maplewood home improved by Bob Miller.
Building the Future
With the girls — now young women — getting older, Grace noted that they are becoming more involved in helping to run Oysterfest.
“That’s how we came up with the half price tickets for the 20-something-year-old set,” said Grace, “because the girls really wanted to come, and they wanted to ask their friends to come. … Poppy brings her friends to volunteer. For years, they were in school and they couldn’t come back for it. But now, suddenly, most of them are here again. And it’s really special.” Grace envisions Oysterfest becoming “a homecoming for the SOMA kids.”
With that in mind, Grace sees Oysterfest, which is celebrating 10 years, as being around for years to come.
Miller Family 2025
“As long as people keep showing up, I’ll keep doing it,” said Grace. “As long as we make money to help some people out. We have been able to give to the Melanoma Research Foundation, and the advances that have been made in these 10, 11 years — since Bob was diagnosed 13 years ago — are so extraordinary. If they had had half the tools that they have now, we certainly could have gotten more time with Bob.”
She adds, “I believe that we have been contributing to these advances that have been, honestly, quite extraordinary.”
“I think Bob and I were so naive when this first happened, we had four kids under the age of 10 when he was first diagnosed. And we were so focused on kids and jobs and buying houses and whatever it was that, I just think we were naive to think we were invincible. Our health was taken for granted. I just want to get the word out for everyone — young people included — to get screened and tested.”
Grace also acknowledges the support of her partner Dean, a widower whom she met through, of all people, Bob’s sister! His three boys make their new family unit a Brady Bunch of sorts — but without the housekeeper.
“One of the great things about our relationship is that we both speak very openly and all the time of our losses,” said Grace. “We both were very happy. We would’ve loved to have let that story live on for many, many years, but we have also managed to find this second chance at happiness, which is really nice and was completely unexpected.”
Dean with the Miller women.
The 2025 Robert J. Miller Oysterfest will take place Saturday, September 6, at The Woodland in Maplewood. Tickets for the adults-only event are $155 per person, $165 at the door, and $75 for young adults ages 21 to 25. Tickets are available online at www.bobmilleroysterfest.com/
